Doing Too Much of Everything

Have you ever felt like you were trying to do too many things and weren't doing any of them well? That's where I am right now. My house is a disaster. It is to the point that I just want to walk around with a garbage bag and throw everything away that has been sitting for months on the counters in the kiten, the floor of the den, and on the dresser in our bedroom. If it's been there for months and I haven't needed it, will I ever need it? Some things I DO need to keep (like paycheck stubs and some receipts), but other things I know I could throw out. Most of the things are paper...like mail, coupons, magazines...that do nothing but clutter the house. There are also boxes from things we buy but don't know if we should hang on to the boxes for awhile or not.

I just hate it. I feel like my life is a mess when my house is a mess. I try to clean up, and I can get one room clean but then it's a disaster again in a week. How does that happen???? It's clean one day and then somehow it's a mess before I even realize what happened.

I have the SAHM responsibilities and 3 jobs as well as training for a marathon. All of my jobs are very part-time, but I feel I can't put 100% into anything I do. There just isn't enough time to do that. I feel guilty when I have to clean the house instead of playing with the kids. I feel guilty when my husband is home for a change but I can't spend time with him because I have to work. I need to quit one or maybe even 2 of my jobs. And I need to step back from marathons for awhile after I run Chicago. I think those 3 things will really help me regain focus. I WANT to do it all even though I know I can't.

How does all of this connect with Garrett's hypotonia? (This is, after all, a blog about Garrett's hypotonia.) Well, I know every mother has felt this way at some point. Garrett's therapy and the things we have to work on at home are a job in itself. How many parents of typical 3 year old children have to practice climbing stairs, using utensils, speech, and on and on? Most 3 year olds I know are busy playing outside on the swing set or in the pool while the mothers sit close by chatting while watching the kids play. I have to be right there by his side. There's no chatting with the other mothers because my kid can't climb up the slide by himself or be in the pool that is chest-high by himself. I usually have Rylan with me, so there's the added bonus of chasing him as Garrett is trying to go down the slide or climb in the pool. I just feel like I can't get this part of my life worked out either. It is 100 times easier this summer than it was last summer with a newly walking 2 year old and a newborn baby. But, I still wouldn't dare call it easy.

I know what I need to do, but yet I'm struggling. I think today will be the day to quit the first job. Come October, the marathon will be over. Then I'll figure out what to do about the second job. I will keep the 3rd job. It's freelance work, so it's super flexible.